The hot Californian asphalt was the sounding board for the clop and rigid glide of rollerblades. Twenty-three years ago, a sibling squad tap sticks, exchange pads, and find joy together in sport. She played street hockey from the age of 5 with her twin sister and two brothers, and hockey from then on was embedded into who she was. This month’s feature has a unique story that truly brings me joy and leaves me in awe. There are some people in this world who are blessed with layers and each one of those layers reveal genuine character, talent, heart and humor and this months feature is all that and a bag of chips. This story excites me to tell. This women, who happens to be a wife of a hockey player and who also happens to be a professional hockey player herself, is also exceedingly intelligent, driven, kind beyond measure, and has a bewitching way of beauty about her. It’s a pleasure to introduce Her Write Peace’s Doing it Right: The Life of a Hockey Wife feature for the 2016/17 writing season. Please meet, Jenny Scrivens.
Growing up in Camarillo, California didn’t stop Jenny from playing hockey. She states that it “wasn’t exactly a hockey hotbed”, but she remembers vividly that was the year that The Great One was traded from the Edmonton Oilers to Los Angeles and “his presence made a huge impact on hockey in Southern California”. From there, she discovered that “Hockey could open doors for me to travel around the country and even attend a great university.” This proved to be true as hockey and her hard work did bring her to a prestigious and reputable university. Cornell..perhaps you’ve heard of it. Not only did Jenny graduate with a B.S. in Communication and a minor in business, but she also played the net minding position for the women’s varsity hockey team. Yes, hockey brought travel and discovery to Jenny. Yes, hockey brought about the opportunity to attend one of the top universities. And Yes, hockey brought Jenny love.
Jenny found love in professional goaltender, Ben Scrivens. Notably Ben has defended the pipes for some pretty high profile NHL teams like the Toronto Maple Leafs, Los Angeles Kings, Edmonton Oilers, and the Montreal Canadiens. Ben started as the freshman goalie for Cornell the same year Jenny did. “It was love at first sight…in the dining hall”. Jenny and Ben dated throughout university and when they graduated in 2010, they moved in together. “This sounds a lot easier than it truly was.” she recalls. “During our senior year, our friends were applying for jobs, going on interviews in New York, Boston, or Washington D.C., and we both were forced to sit on our hands to see if Ben would get an NHL contract. I know this was hard for Ben, but it was especially hard for me. I watched as my friends and classmates accepted prestigious jobs or post graduate programs.”
Soon enough Ben was offered his first NHL contract with Toronto and Jenny was eager to start her search as well. Motivation isn’t something that this woman lacks. She moves and strikes with intent. Road block. To work in Canada, Jenny had to apply and wait for a visa. When I asked Jenny if she felt jaded or robbed of a professional career, she confidently asserts that she has never felt like she has had to sacrifice her career to move with Ben. She shares, “I’ve been fortunate enough to find wonderful, challenging jobs in every market he’s played in. I’ve always been able to land on my feet and find another role to fall in love with.”
Bennifer made it official in June of 2012. Ben was playing with the Marlies in the AHL and they were in middle of playoffs and their wedding day was scheduled on the same date as game 7 of the series. They did, of course, have a contingency plan in light of such events. Unfortunately they didn’t make it to game 7, but {fortunately} Ben was able to make his wedding. He made his flight and arrived in Canmore Alberta, to lock down this MVP wife. Faithfully aligned, their married life didn’t know distance as they made every move together. It wasn’t until last year, in 2015, that hockey brought something new to Jenny. They would have to live apart. However, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It brought her the opportunity to be part of history. Jenny became part of history as she was drafted to the inaugural season of the National Women’s Hockey League (WNHL). Drafted to the New York Riveters, 1 of 4 NWHL teams, she was over the moon to be selected and to be paid to play hockey. She lightly quips that she always had to pay to play hockey, so this was a welcoming turn of the tables. Jenny was paid $10,000 for a 1-season deal. “Compared to my husband, who arguable does the same job, it was a laughable amount. I realize it will take time for female atheletes to be paid a fair wage, but I hope that day comes soon.” We’re with you Jenny.
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| Back Check, Forecheck, PAY CHEQUE! |
Ben and Jenny don’t “talk shop at home”. The fact that they are both goalies is just a fun coincidence…or some may say…fate. “While, sure, we may talk about gear or a recent hockey highlight, it certainly doesn’t consume our lives,” she laughs as most people assume they talk hockey, hockey, hockey. They rather focus on other things like they have in common and enjoy. “The one exception is when I decided to play in the WNHL and had to quickly get back into hockey shape. I was constantly picking his brain, asking dozens of questions, and even sending him video from my goalie sessions to ask for critiques.”
Their dynamic gives me all the feels. If you ever define marriage as a team, than this is the epitome of that definition. I’m not the only source you will find supporting this school of though. This duo is highly respected, deeply loved, and sourced for inspiration.
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| When you are married to your best friend. This partnership is on PINT… |
Aside from being a part of sport history, she is also extremely driven professionally. Her career choices are always entered in with passion, care, and affectivness. Jenny leaves her mark everywhere she goes. Some of you may recognize Jenny from the W Networks Hockey Wives. She was approached to do the show in the summer of 2014. At the time Jenny and Ben were living in Edmonton and Jenny was busy as the Director of Communication for Ronald McDonald House. Jenny bought into the show because they sold the documentary-structured show as a women’s empowerment vision that would showcase the many women in the league who work to balance their own careers with their husbands hockey career. She shares, “it wasn’t something I immediately jumped into, in fact, I was pretty hesitant at first. I’m probably the worst person to put on a reality show. I avoid drama and rarely, if ever, am involved in any sort of confrontation.” When I asked her why she decided to take the plunge into reality superdom, she simply stated that in the end she looked at it as a way to shed light on the Ronald McDonald House and the other charities that she and Ben support. One being a charity event created by Ben himself and marketed by Jenny. This event called “Unmasking Stigma” is a charity for those who are living and coping with mental illness. Pieces of art are created by Edmonton artists living with schizophrenia and are auctioned off in donation, along with Ben’s goalie masks designed by very special artists and friends of Ben. Could this be any more brilliant, meaningful, and necessary? Start the conversation.
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| Jenny is playfully showcasing art pieces and signed-game worn mask for auctioning at the UNMASKING STIGMA charity event. |
It wasn’t too often that our screens were graced with Jenny which in hindsight baffles me even more than it did before. Here is a woman who couldn’t be more aware, effective and affective and she is treated like a wallflower. Young girls, athletes, men, women should be exposed to people like her. Jenny also tells me that they filmed a day of her at work interacting with the families at the Ronald McDonald House, they filmed her working with her charities, and also filmed a charity golf tournament that was snowed out! They filmed Jenny and Ben rescuing their first fur-baby Ezra {named after one of Cornell’s founders, Ezra Cornell}, filmed a benefit fashion show for the Edmonton Down Syndrome Society, and if you were an avid viewer of the show, your jaw is agape right now because none of that made the show. In an age that is really pumping up women’s empowerment, this disappoints me, especially coming from a womens network.
Regardless of what was aired and what was edited out, Jenny has only wonderful things to say about the women who she has encountered in her hockey life journey.
“The women I’ve met throughout Ben’s professional career have absolutely
inspired me, empowered me, and opened my eyes to what it truly means to
find a partner in life. I’ve seen love in its conventional forms, but a couple
who constantly uproots their lives in this type of career seems to subscribe
to a whole different set of expectations.”
Mrs. Scrivens confesses that she was adamant on keeping her career despite the many moves she may have to make. She didn’t want to fall into other people’s stereotype thinking that hockey wives are women who have just given up. The thought of ‘giving up for love’ infuriated her. She had worked so hard to earn top grades, and to balance varsity sport and lifestyle and convinced herself she had something to prove no matter if her pay cheque was insignificant to his.
It wasn’t until last year, when Jenny was drafted to the New York Riveters, that Jenny and Ben lived in separate cities. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and had to jump at the chance. Ben was nothing but supportive of his wife’s commitment to this adventure. At the end of that season, Jenny really learned and understood the sacrifice that women made for their husbands careers. Reminiscing that feeling Jenny voices,
“That year we spent apart was incredibly tough. I was busier than I had ever
been before, juggling two jobs that I absolutely loved. But I wasn’t with Ben,
and I realized that I wasn’t completely happy. And being happy with my job
didn’t make up for the time I was without Ben.”
I too, have come to understand this more and more in my life. We need more Jenny’s in this world. It’s not about money or status for her. It’s not about the prestige, or even the bragging right of having a job or title. Having a job or a degree or children does not make anyone a better or worse partner. What matters is how you feel. Marriage is a partnership. Partner, by definition, means someone who participates in an activity, game, or shares an intimate relationship. I truly believe Jenny and Ben play this game exquisitely. It’s not always about hockey, it’s about the love and what they need from each other. It’s about home is where you are, its about travel, its about advocacy, its about Ezra. It’s about so much more and its all unique for those people who decide to be partners. As it should be in any marriage. Wife in retrospect is defined, by Merriam-Webster as “a women acting is a specified capacity or the female partner in a marriage”. Sweet. Insert straight-faced emoji, eye roll, cringe, finger swagger, Bon Qui-Qui “Rude”. How’s that for female empowerment?
Presently, the season brings the Scrivens’ to Belarus where Ben is playing for the Minsk Dynamo in the KHL, Europe’s elite league. Ben left for the season in August and Jenny just recently joined him once she had finished tying up loose ends, visiting with family and friends and saying “see you soon to Ezra.” Jenny makes lasting connections wherever she goes and friends comment that they are the lucky ones. A close friend and hockey wife, Kodette Labarbera gushes, she is the most inspiring woman! Thoughtful, extremely genuine. Whenever I visit with her, I feel so refreshed. She makes me smile. She’s so uplifting and encouraging.” People are sad to see them go, but so thankful that they met in the first place. I often think that the bonds are particularly stronger because when you do reconnect with those people its so much sweeter. You learn to make the best of the time in this transient life.
She doesn’t know where this transient life will lead her next, but she while overseas she is taking advantage of the traveling opportunity. While she was hoping to do some volunteering or take a class, she is finding that English isn’t as prevalent as she had anticipated. She admits, “I don’t tend to handle down time very well, so I’m forcing myself to make the most of it…I’m trying to come up with a backup plan.” Soak it up.
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| Taking in Belarusian culture. One of her favourites. Something to be admired…. |
But when I see women like Jenny, talk to women like Jenny, hear what women like Jenny have to say, I feel empowered. She has the strength to go after whatever job she wants and can damn well get it, she is honest without being offensive, and she also has the power and confidence to say, my marriage is more important than a career hiatus. She inspires me.
“Every women I have met on this crazy hockey journey is unique. She juggles
her relationship, public profile, the ups and downs and the trades in her own
way. And what every women does is absolutely the right decision for her. There
no right way or wrong way to make a relationship with these kind of challenges
work. Whether she has a career, volunteers at every charity event, raises a
family, cooks with only organic ingredients, all of these or none of these, its her
decision and it works for her. This has been the most eye opening realization for
me.”
When I asked Jenny to do this interview with me and to grace Her Write Peace with her story, she basically did this all herself. I have an appreciation for words and clarity. She is so eleoquently spoken, very coy in her braggery, and brave in her divulgence. I have found some pretty amazing people in this writing journey and she welcomed me very early on as her friend. I am learning how to balance it all, the schedules, the emotions, the uncertainties. And its because of women like Jenny, who instil confidence, reason, and perspective in what “hockey wives”, sports wives, military spouses, med school spouses or any person who knows what love/happiness/sacrifice looks like in a partnership. Does the platform from which people stand determine their worth or intention? It doesn’t take much for people to throw judgment around these days, and we are all guilty of it from one time to another, but like Kodette said, I felt refreshed after talking and getting to know Jenny.
Jenny, I truly hope you know how you affect people around you. You do not go unnoticed and I am a better person for knowing you and spreading your good words. Keep on being badass, and people on the other side of this screen, be like Jenny. Be a badass.
