“Your soul is the power and core of who you are …feed it well…” ~ Unknown
I am satiated. And rejuvenated by an abundant helping of perspective and possibility. Here’s why I do what I do. Even when I don’t think I need it or want it, I am plucked up from the floor by another human. Another soul who unbeknownst holds me hovered above that ground giving me just enough to let me know that I can put my feet down at any time and run. Just by being themselves. Writing is my therapy. And when I’m writing, I write to share the good in the world. I am always coerced unforceably by my features to turn inward and reflect upon my Why’s. We may not align with everyone we meet. We may have different paths and I can guarantee we do. We all have different problems, different obstacles, and different disciplines of reaction. But to each, they are all valid. I do this in the rebellion to the news, to the hateful protests, to the unbearable, non-sensical tweets or posts that pepper us with darkness. This is my light. My offering. My ignition.
This month’s feature wife is a beacon of hope. She chases that ‘all you can eat’ buffet of feeding her soul. Each trip up piling goodness upon the goodness and drizzling awesome sauce all over the place. In a review of our interview, she continually returned to the importance of doing things that feed your soul. But before it all…she speaks of gratitude. Welcomes servitude. Preaches balance where possible. She’s all about that YOLO mantra and the belief that fate is a real thing. I am humbled to have added this woman to the proverbial pages of Her Write Peace. A voice for those who cannot speak, a mother, a wife, a philanthropist, a genuine human who cares deeply. It’s my pleasure to welcome Kelly Backes to the Doing it Right: The Life of a Hockey Wife family.
Once Upon A Time
Sitting criss-cross applesauce in the color cascades of their kindergarten classroom a young boy and a young girl sat unknowingly as destiny swirled around them. They may not have known it then but they were soul mates. Both raised in the small town of Blaine, Minnesota there isn’t much David and Kelly Backes didn’t know of one another. As you know we can never predict the future or change the past, but I can say that growing up together solidified their fate. Every great love story begins with a solid friendship.
Kelly (nee) Knapp and David Backes didn’t begin dating until high school. It wasn’t until their senior prom that they couldn’t deny that there was no other person fitting for each other than one another. Kelly recalls, “In all honesty, I think we both knew that we were soul mates – or meant for each other. I just think we both had this innate gut feeling that in our lives and journeys, we would be side by side…..it was just natural.” David took Kelly by surprise when he proposed to her at the age of 22, while she was in college and he was playing for the St. Louis Blue affiliate team, the Peoria Rivermen. Shortly after their engagement, David’s hard work paid off and he was moving on up to the big leagues. Hello St. Louis Blues…Please welcome your Captain, David Backes…Oh and St. Louis…You also just won one hell of a wife too…and I’ll tell you why.
Getting Schooled
Kelly graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Health Science from MSU, and once they moved their life to St. Louis, she wasn’t finished fulfilling her scholarly ventures. She went full tilt into pursuing her nursing degree in 2010. She took her boards and earned herself her designation. Kelly has been a licensed nurse since but hasn’t actively practised, since then Kelly and David shifted their focus to their charity, Athletes for Animals.
“My focus has been running our non-profit, which is 100% volunteer based. I have also served on several animal welfare boards. Volunteering has always been my “side–hustle” giving back to the community, serving on committees, helping with fundraisers and events, I really thrive on that – it fuels my soul.”
Philanthropy is not only a huge interest of Kelly’s but also David’s. They are through and through teammates. They have each other’s backs, support one another’s passions, and recognize what ignites the fire in one another. Backes studied Electrical Engineering in college – had a 4.0 and then when hockey “called” after 3 years he left. He wanted to go back and get his degree, but the Engineering department was not interested in helping David complete his degree. In perseverance, and with the support of Kelly, he pushed forward and studied Applied Org Studies with an emphasis in Non-Profit Leadership. He completed his 4yr degree a few years ago.
Philanthropy
Leave it to Kelly to offset the attention from herself to shine a light on others. Kelly adds, “It helps that we are both so like-minded with giving-back and his degree actually helped a lot as it was around the same time we incorporated our 501 © (3) non-profit – Athletes for Animals.
“In my heart I know it is my purpose, what I was put on this earth to do, to advocate for the voiceless.”
Athletes for Animals is Kelly and David’s charity created from the ground up. She shares that she has always had such a strong connection with animals and has felt a kindred spiritual vibe to any animal or wildlife species. Confessing, she states, “I save everything from insects to spiders, I have been a vegetarian for well over a decade and have a very strong connection to what is on my plate and choose not to consume anything with a face. I have a hard time valuing one life over another and feel it in my bones that EVERY living thing has a strong desire to live and that they would save themselves if they could.”
The Backes’ support several other small and large animal organizations across the US publically and privately. The Gentle Barn is also an organization in which they are heavily involved – they are based out of CA, have one in TN and just opened another in MO. The Gentle Barn rescues abused and unwanted animals and once they are healthy and rehabilitated those animals in return are giving back to help children who have been abused themselves.
They also work closely and are sponsors for the Garth Brooks – Teammates for Kids Foundation. “I don’t think I can say it enough, it fuels my soul, I love helping with any type of organization or initiative that believes in the greater good. David always tells me I have a bleeding heart. I would rather donate $1k than spend that on a new bag or pair of shoes.”
Kelly also heavily supports the Starkey Hearing Foundation. This is an organization that is very personal to her as she had experienced hearing loss in her early 20’s. “We have also gone on a mission trip in support of this cause to Nairobi, Kenya. And we named our daughter Stella (2 1/2 years old) after a little girl we met while in Africa. This woman believes in building, connecting and extending a helping hand in any way she can. Showing her children the path of righteous philanthropy comes naturally.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_w_I1BHWHo
http://www.nhlpa.com/news/giving-the-gift-of-hearing
Living the Hockey Life
Growing up in Minnesota? You can bet hockey touched your life one way or another. And Yes, of course, we know David knows a thing or two about hockey, but so does wifey. Kelly played herself and was the captain of her high school hockey team and even hit the ice on a few men’s beer league teams before sweet Stella joined the Backes lineup. So answering the question, have you always been a hockey fan…I’d concur.
David and Kelly have always stayed together during their hockey adventure. They briefly lived apart when David was called up to the Show, but only until Kelly finished up her education. The Backes were fortunate to be a part of the Blues organization for 10 years and were able to establish a house and home there. That’s hard to do in the hockey world. Building roots is not always a guarantee. They have a strong connection to the Mid-West and have fond plans to retire there when that time comes. “We are Mid-West people at heart,” says Kelly. But for now they are embracing the East Coast Lifestyle in Boston. They return home to Minnesota for the summers where they can be close to their families. They have a close-knit family and it’s extremely important to spend time with them during the offseason. They also have a ranch in Wisconsin across from family and hope to have a large animal rescue sanctuary in the future.
Give and Take
Although the hockey lifestyle may seem glamorous to an outsider, it has its moments of uncertainty. There are possible trades, where you leave then and there, exiting like a deer in the headlights. Kelly and family, however, haven’t been subject to this experience. Injuries too can be difficult. For everyone. However, Kelly’s nursing background has made it a bit more manageable for “taking care of Hubs”, she quips. But it’s not just about “taking care”. This helplessness takes a toll on all facets of life. It’s not easy when your partner gets hurt. It’s their livelihood, their job, their identity…imagine that being stripped from you? This is where the true meaning of teammate comes to fruition.
“David was pretty lucky in his 10 years in STL – some minor things, teeth, face cuts/stitches, a broken toe – then last year- a bad elbow infection and had to have a PICC line in and this year a bout of diverticulitis and his colon resection surgery. This has been tough – on him and us – being pregnant – being a mom – being a wife and caretaker….it has been a full time job. But it is those daily reminders that I think we reflect on – we can do this – we are so blessed and we will battle thru this because it is what we do.”
I always ask the question of whether or not a husband credits any of his successes to his wife. Always. Because no matter what, I think they should. And it goes the same way in retrospect. Without hesitation, Kelly confides, “Yes, he knows that he can focus on hockey – because home life is good and I am his biggest supporter. He also knows that I always say (and quite jokingly)– I am his “good luck”. He proposed to me – the next day he got called up and he has been on this crazy NHL journey since!” So much for celebrating an engagement!
The proof is in the pudding as they say and it’s clear that I’m not alone in appreciating this woman. I asked David about his wife, Kelly and he summed up her magic as such:
“With the many roles Kelly plays: wife, mother, daughter, caretaker, matriarch to name a few, she succeeds at all of them by using one of her best qualities, selflessness. By putting others first she allows me to concentrate on my career while simultaneously being an amazing mother to our children both two legged and four legged. She is the president of our charity, the leader of our family, and the love of my life.” -David Backes.
You Better Recognize…
When I meet people like Kelly, and I hear about all their endeavours, observe how they use this “platform” for the better good and have absorbed their genuine spirit, I want to know how this woman is not the President. The more and more I got to know Kelly, the more possibility I felt, the abler I felt, yet in the same breath, the more anxious I felt about doing her justice in this article.
The world needs more humanitarians, more advocates, more action heroes, fewer keyboard heroes, less angry tweeters, and less picture perfect seekers.
I’ve heard people say, to which I am extremely offended and hurt by, that “Hockey Wives” are puck bunnies, or in it for the money, or that they want to be famous.” And although I have never been subject to this scrutiny..at least to my face, and neither has Kelly, judgment seems to be an epidemic in our society. I give you all permission to free yourself from this cycle. Take a step away and see things through a Backes lens…
“I do think in general there is this misconception that the “WAGS” life is so glamourous and I just have to laugh. It is what you make it. We are just a husband and wife, raising a little girl to the best of our ability –with another little one on the way- with a house full of love for animals (2 dogs and 2 cats) teaching her compassion and kindness – and David plays hockey for a living.”
They have received a lot of recognition and appreciation from the charities that they support. One in particular that meant a lot to them was the “Hope for the Holidays” award from Stray Rescue of St. Louis. The Backes also heavily supported/funded the documentary, The Champions. Also taking the role of Executive Producers, they helped to create a film that is the follow-up story to several of the Michael Vick fight dogs that were rescued by Best Friends Animal Society. It is a true story about the resilience and forgiving spirit of animals. Kelly was overwhelmed by the national attention and applause received after saving the 2 dogs from the Sochi Olympics.
But what you should know about Kelly, is that she would do it all without the recognition. She doesn’t need an award or she isn’t striving for that almighty trophy that claims her the best of the best {we can leave that up to David}. “It isn’t about that for me, but having the public platform that the athletes have is AMAZING because it allows for a greater reach – there is POWER in numbers and more awareness can be raised when a celebrity or person with a public platform publicly backs/supports it.”
And with women like this in the world…raising other little women, showing kindness, understanding, empathy, action, perspective, and voice…why wouldn’t I acknowledge a human of this stature.
Peace is not something you wish for. It’s something you make. Something you do, something you are, and something you give away. ~ John Lennon
Thank you for the awakening, Kelly.
