With one knock on the door, unabashed, open hearted intent drew her in. Out of her comfort zone, she can’t help but meet him. She had never met him before but had admired from afar. She had to meet him, get to know him and help to create happiness in his life. Attached. Adored. Admired. His magic touched her. This is the story of a Hockey Wife who is doing it right, but that wasn’t an intro of the moment she met her husband. That was the story of how she came to know the strongest little super hero Mason. Mason, a 4 year old boy fighting tooth, nail, and smile for each and every sacred day of his life against the S.O.B disease cancer. This story of “Doing it Right: The Life of a Hockey Wife” is dedicated to Mason and his family. She is moved by you.
Writing this story came with a lot of emotion. I didn’t know Mason, but like Jenn, I admired this little fighter from afar. And with all the hate and negativity that is happening across our planet, I shake my head in hurt and also in hope of a better future for all. However, I was comforted. I was comforted by the fact that amongst the hate, there was this woman, who took it upon herself to give the gift of kindness. I took a step back and took comfort in that even in Mason’s family’s scariest time, a kind-spirited person took it upon herself to spread love and help to create ease. Jenn is a superhero in her own right. She’s a mother, an entrepreneur, a creator, an advocate and exemplar of good people! I am so proud to introduce this woman who in my books, is doing it right. This month’s feature belongs to Jennifer Boughner.
This is just one instance of the kind of person Jenn Boughner is. I have known Jenn but not closely over the past few years. Obviously, it was through our hockey hubbies that we were connected {ahem, it really is a small world}. But slowly, I started hearing from people about the kind of person she was. I could see through social media that she was a giving, good, and happy soul. It is easy to see why her husband, former NHL’er and now assistant coach of the San Jose Sharks, Bob Boughner took no time in falling in love with this small but mighty Matsos.
The story begins when young Jenn was only 15 years old. Originally devastated that her best friend and brother had been drafted afar to Sault Ste. Marie to begin his Jr. hockey career, she quickly saw the light at the end of the tunnel. The very first Thanksgiving, Jenn and her family headed to the “Soo”. It was there that brother dearest introduced his team mate Bob to his doting sister. “And after that…it was over,” gushes Jenn when recalling this memory. “I spend the rest of high school travelling back and forth. It seems like forever ago, but the best memories ever.” Everyone could see that they were infatuated with one another. There were no profiles to be crept or swiping left and right analyzing compatibility or preferred looks, these two spent time together, talking face to face, wooing {the ancient art of flirting face to face} uninterrupted by texts or alerts. Their time was measured in trips to Swiss Chalet, celebrating wins, and missing curfews just to get a couple moments more together.
“My grandpa kept a journal and he has since passed, but when
I read it, I laugh because he chronicled every date Bob and I had…
every sleepover…in detail. Jenn went out until 2 am this
morning. Ollie and I went to sleep at 12 and she still wasn’t
back…I’m a little worried.’ Poor things. I tortured them.”
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| Jenn’s whole family at their mom’s last cancer treatment, this past month. United. |
Jenn is through and through a family woman. Near or far, you are in her radar. She completed her study of Psychology at McMaster University because it was close to her hometown of Burlington, On. Bob is from Windsor, Ontario, so it was hard for Jenn to leave home to live with Bob in the off season. She shares, “It was a really tough pill to swallow when you’re so tight with your family. In the end, it came down to numbers..and Windsor was way more affordable on a minor league salary. They were happily married in her hometown on June 24th, 1995.
“It was so perfect and very traditional”.
Without a work visa in the U.S., Jenn was left with little to explore in terms of having a career in her field of study. She had always wanted to work with kids, “and then I had 4. Bang, bang, bang, bang,” Jenn laughs. Coming from a big family, having a big family was always on Jenn’s must-haves. Their oldest, Brady, who is 19, was born on Bob’s first day of training camp in his first NHL year. Brady is planning on taking the ride down the hockey road, just like Pops, but not on ice level. He plans on becoming a sports agent. Molly is 18 and was born in Buffalo. She’s what I would call an Animalitarian. She would do anything to save or help an animal in need. Emma born in Nashville, is 16. She loves to study fashion and cosmotology. Jenn brags that its like having a personal stylist at your beck and call! And then there is their only Canadian born baby, Lola. She is the artist. Jenn gushes that she makes amazing pieces, “I would love for her to stick with it and do something amazing. It’s such a unique talent.” Jenn is extremely proud of her brood and lives by the philosophy that family is everything. You can often find this as a hashtag on her social media. She lives and breathes them. She’s got a lucky clan.
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| Happy and Hot in marriage. |
Yes, that’s a lot of babies and as well, that is a lot of places too. Bob was originally drafted by the Red Wings. Over their hockey life, they have seen Florida, Carolina, Nashville, Pittsburgh, Calgary, and Colorado. “We’ve moved everywhere together from the time we were engaged.”
Upon retirement, they lived out another dream of becoming owners of Bob’s hometown Jr. Franchise, The Windsor Spitfires. “It was important for Bob to give back to the hometown that supported him on his journey. And boy, do they love their Spits. They rallied to support him with the Sharks. Loyalty would be the best word to describe it.” There is just something about hometowns and hockey. They do, however, love the private life. On 9 acres of country soil, it’s the perfect spot for their kids to hang out. Jenn says that it’s like being on vacation everyday, “with that being said because of all the moves we’ve endured…home is really where the family is. ”
“We’ve made Residence Inns feel like home. It’s the memories that count.”
Jenn and her clan experienced the distance relationship about 6 years ago for the first time. Her hubby was offered an assistant coaching position in the NHL and with it only being 3 hours away, they figured they could manage the distance and commute. “It just didn’t feel right,” Jenn recalls. Family is everything after all. The opportunity was perfect, but the timing was not. Bob returned home to continue to build upon his OHL franchise and be with his family.
Distance had become a factor once again, but this time more recently. As said previously, her hubby took a position coaching with the San Jose Sharks. Seeing how the kids were older, Jenn and Bob decided that this was the opportunity to pounce upon. “It was far, but sometimes you just have to go with your gut, and we were right.” she admits. “He always makes me feel appreciated. He must have told me that 1000 times this year.”
“I cried for a few weeks because it’s weird not having your best friend
by your side…but my biggest thing was for him to be happy and to love
what he was doing. I know that I am here and busy and have all the kids,
and we’re fine, but I would be heart broken if he was away from us and
not loving what he was doing. If we can’t be there, I’m so happy that he is
surrounded by good people everyday. It’s a huge sacrifice for him to be apart
from us.”
Being a coaches wife is much different. It’s more of a career that you can make a choice in. When you are a player, trades are unavoidable and it’s so hard to know what the right thing to say is. “I always tried to stay positive. It’s a business and you’re a commodity.” Jenn gained much perspective of the hockey world and learned to adjust her mindset, as she had mixed feelings about the trades she has experienced. Trades happen to a family, not just one person. When I asked Jenn how her kids transitioned with each move, and in pride she shares, “My kids have transitioned miraculously! If anything, it has made them the most chill, easily adjusted kids ever.” She encouraged her kids to thrive on the changes and have always ensured that they have a home base, in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. But in the mean time, “the Sharks and Doug Wilson have made us feel like family. We are included in everything. When we are in town they make sure that family time is a priority. They are so flexible that way. They now feel like a second family to us.”
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| As a coach, Bob has won back to back Memorial Cups in the OHL and a Gold medal for Team Canada in the U17 tournament. |
It’s pretty easy to see that Jenn is easy-going, giving, and smart. You have to be independent and secure in yourself, and this comes so naturally to her she doesn’t even seem like she knows she’s doing it. It’s her normal. It’s her real. There are many who understand that and many who simply do not and that’s ok.
“I honestly think that hockey wives are unfairly stereotyped most of the
time. We all have our own identity or we wouldn’t survive being alone all
of the time. It doesn’t mean that you have to have a job or career. It just
means that you have to be a big girl, be independent, and definitely not needy.
You get used to mostly single parenting, going to events, celebrating holidays
often on your own, with the kids, and you have to be okay with that.”
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| Where Dipsticks are made….Dang. |
She did find something that she loves doing however, and she’s damn good at it! I speak from experience. Jenn has created her own company called Dipstix. She designs and make treats that satisfy your sweet tooth in the best way possible. I’m talking salty and sweet, crunchy and chewy. She has so brilliantly created treat favours for charities donations, birthday parties, weddings, showers, and hey, just for the heck of it. She doesn’t do much advertising, but thrives through word of mouth. The best kind of business if you ask me. These caramel dipped pretzels are covered in chocolate and candy goodness are packaged beautifully and come personalized as well. But in life there must be balance. In retro to her sweet guilty pleasures, must come a bit of health. Being a clean eating, health conscious being, Jenn has also expanded her menu to include protein bars, that are made with all natural and organic ingredients and they are friggin’ filling and magically delicious.
“I love doing anything that makes people smile.” Jenn makes herself additionally busy by helping to head the charity she calls, Hockey in Heels. It’s a charity event that combines an evening of complimentary wine and shopping local vendors while at your favourite junior hockey match. The event takes part in some of the Spitfires execute suites. All proceeds are donated to The Spitfire Foundation that benefit local children’s charities, some of which particularly contribute to cancer foundations.
And now we come full circle to the beginning of this article. Mason’s Fight. A soft spot. Jenn found this little boy through social media on Instagram. She was compelled by this little boy and his family finding joy and exuberance in everyday all the while fighting cancer. Jenn connected with Mason’s mom. “I felt so close to them so fast. It was scary. He {Mason} climbed up on my lap and he hugged and kissed me. Aside from his adorable baldness, he didn’t seem sick at all.” Mason became a super San Jose Sharks fan. The team was made aware of Mason’s fight and did all they could do to help as well. “I brought him a jersey that Joe Pavelski signed to him and he instantly became his hero.” The team had also sent video messages back and forth to Mason and when Don Cherry and Ron Maclean got wind of this little hero, they gave a big shout out to him. Grapes loves to pay homage to any type of hero. You can just imagine what little Mason thought of these gestures made for him.
Later that week, they received news that there was nothing else they could do for Mason. Joe Pavelski had arranged for Mason and his parents to fly out for a game, but it was too late for Mason to travel. “I just felt helpless. The only thing we could so was make him smile as much as we could. We pulled every stop to accomplish this and managed to check a few things off {his list}.” Jenn became her own personal ‘Make a Wish’ foundation for Mason. This was not only special to this little boy but to his parents as well. A parent should never have to lose a child. Mason passed away on June 27th. He was 4 years old.
“It’s pure heartbreak. He was a little hero”.
She may not have any medals or awards granted to her, but Jenn’s philosophy on life trumps the idealistic definition of what it means to be doing it right in this world. We live in a world that passes judgment more often than they pass the salt at the dinner table. But in Jenn’s world, she creates an environment that embraces positive thinking and that kindness shall come as first nature in her house. Some may say that being a hockey wife is a perk or a spoiled luxury, but it’s a platform to “take advantage of all opportunities that come your way.” The same should go for all people in the world. Whatever platform you stand on, be kind, do good things, and extend your reach to anyone who could use it.
For those of you who take the time to read these features, Thank you. I appreciate your kindness.
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| In Memory of Mason. |